Fantasy Girl

We all have them - private, strange fantasies where we're doing weird things to the praise and adulation of others. Maybe it's sports-related (to which I don't relate) or career-oriented. Or just that people gawk at you in awe as you move through the grocery aisles because you have that special little something about you.

When I was little, it was all about my future as a fearless space traveler. Then I moved on to become the fuscia-lipsticked lead singer of a band I called 'Pizzazz'. (We were invited to sing front-row-center for "Do They Know It's Christmas?", where I stood next to John Taylor of Duran Duran. Plus I had a solo in "We Are The World".) And then I was just the cool-yet-unusual girl that everyone wanted to be.

I nailed the unusual part.

Now - in my almost-40 adult life- I have two recurring fantasies. One is that I'm an acrobat, so malleable that I could almost be considereed a contortionist. The second is slightly less realistic but oh-so-much-more painful to watch.

I have a dream.

And that dream is that I am a guest star on Saturday Night Live - for the sketches, not the music. But in true Justin Timerlake-fashion, I'm capable of either.

Or, according to my fantasy, both.

Yes, I seamlessly perform uproarious skits alongside seasoned, trained professionals and am written up in all of the 2-A news sections the next morning, featuring still clips of me captioned with "Bailey Kills On SNL".

I would make you forget all about "Cowbell".

What-In-A-Box?

Amy and Tina Who?

See? As in most fantasies, it's all about me.

But, wait - that's not all! I also - and here's the Big Dream - perform MUSICALLY.

I can't sing, so this would be sort-of funny, I guess. But in my mind, I am singing alongside someone who can. Someone who makes me sound a little better. Someone who is...

Lisa Loeb.

Yes, seriously.

I'm not exactly a Lisa Loeb fan, but I love the song, "Do You Sleep?". Maybe you remember her performing that one on SNL back in the early nineties.

I do - and I have done her one better.

Because there we are, sharing a mic, dressed all cute, and I'm making the audience think, "Wow! She's funny, fearless, AND she can sing! Sort of!" We move rhythmically in our respective dance-spaces, showing the world how amazingly expressive, gifted, and embrasive of the world we are. We make you feel it. You're lost in our performance. We ARE the world. And we end our duet to maddening, fiery applause, along with ferocious stomping, and genuine, involuntary "Whooooooo!!!!!" - ing.

I am a hit.

I love this fantasty, because let's be realistic for a moment. I just don't get a lot of that at home. Well, I do get ferocious stomping, but it's not the same.

And yes, I know that this scenario would never actually happen.

Because Lisa Loeb is sooooo fifteen years ago.

I, on the other hand, am still awaiting my head mic and spot next to Lionel Ritchie for the Band Aid reunion tour - "Do They Know It's 2009?"